In my second We Are Women posting, this week’s quote is…
“Remember, we all stumble, every one of us. That’s why it’s a comfort to go hand in hand.”
How important it is to have a support group around you when you go through a tough time. Your true friends are there with you when you are at your worst, but are also there when it’s time to celebrate. They are the ones who will drop everything to help out, and are truly happy for you when good things come your way.
During the times you stumble in life, you will have grief to deal with. It’s important to realize this, and not shut down completely. Allow yourself to grieve at your own pace, and don’t let anyone tell you how you should feel. I will say to wait on any big decisions for about a year after your tough time. There will be items to take care of immediately of course, but give yourself time to process the major change in your life. When you are grieving, you won’t make the best decision for your life, sorry but you won’t. You might rush through the decision, you might make the choice out of anger, but whatever happens, you will likely regret it down the road.
When you make a decision based on such high emotions, you are making a rash decision. This choice will feel great in the short term, but that feeling doesn’t last. And the feelings you will get in return, are regret and disappointment. So whether you are suddenly single from divorce or losing your spouse, take time before you completely change your life.
One woman, we can call her Sally, lost her husband very expectantly in a car accident. She seemed ready to move forward very quickly, and called us up to meet to go through all the paperwork within the first two weeks of his passing. Sally was ready to get everything transferred, make some quick decisions, and mark it off her to do list. A few weeks after meeting with her, we received calls from her sister. It seems like Sally was falling more apart day by day, completely stressed out about the money, and acting very irrationally. She put up quite a front to us, we would have never thought this was going to happen.
We took extra time with her to make sure she understands everything, let her ask questions whenever they come up, and address any concerns she has for the future. When you put up a front, people don’t know you are still hurting inside. They won’t offer to help because to them you seem fine and tell them you are fine. They won’t know you are terrified inside and have no idea what to do. They will expect you back at work like your old self, and ready to move on.
Now when you are ready to move on to the next stage of your life, here is a quick checklist to help get you moving forward:
Any opinions are those of Jessica Weaver and not necessarily those of Raymond James.
Due to the early arrival of our bundle of joy, postings will be delayed a week. Meet Andrea Claire Weaver, aka Andie, who surprised us all by coming 4 weeks early. We aren't sure if it was the 300 squats I did everyday or the eclipse that made you come so quick, but we are so happy you are here, healthy, and stealing all of our hearts!
I was at Barnes and Noble the other day to see my poster in their window for my book signing. It was a very surreal moment that quickly ended as I creepily tried to climb behind the counter to get a better picture with my poster. After almost breaking the display, a very friendly and helpful employee got the poster out of the display for me. Anyway, during my time there my eyes caught a book titled We are Women, Celebrating Our Wit and Grit. You can guess I was drawn to it immediately and had to buy it.
The book features vintage photos of women with quotes to go along with them. It’s such a fun book to go through, so I figured I’d use it as inspiration for my next few postings. And what better quote to start with than this one:
“If you want anything said, ask a man.
If you want anything done, ask a woman.” Margaret Thatcher
Oh there are so many ways to go with this quote, and I think I’ll start with what my husband likes to do. Whenever we need something done, he will say “we need to do this.” Such as, “we need to call the cable company, we need to bring Duke to the vet, we need to clean out the closet.” And what I’ve come to realize is that the “we” really means you. So he is really saying “you need to call the cable company, you need to bring duke to the vet, you need to clean out the closet.” I guess it’s his nice way of nagging. But it all comes down to if I need something done, I do it, and this can be a good thing but it can also be a fault. It can be a fault because you get so used to doing everything yourself that when you actually need help, you won’t ask for it.
I can attest to this since we recently renovated our bedrooms in preparation for our baby coming. But this entailed cleaning out every dresser, armoire, closet, nook, and cranny, which means a lot of packing and lugging clothes into our basement. I am now eight months pregnant and all that carrying was a very bad idea for my back. I know I should of asked for help, but I felt bad asking for help and tackled it myself. And now that the rooms are done, we have to move everything back in. And guess what I should do? Ask for help, yet I won’t. Everyone keeps yelling at me to stop carrying large items, yet I keep doing it and keep getting back spasm after back spasm.
It is similar when we are dealing with our money, it can be uncomfortable to ask for help. It can be overwhelming to seek out a professional to ask some questions. And it can be just plain frustrating as heck to find the right one. Some people wait because they are embarrassed, others wait because they don’t know what to ask, and you might be waiting because you think I can do it on my own. Whatever the reason is, your life and your money are worth talking to a professional. If you spend $30,000 on a new bathroom, would you look online to figure out how to install a new sink and chance flooding the entire new bathroom? Probably not. So why DIY your finances or google search your next financial move if you’ve spent years saving up for your next goal: a new house, a vacation, retirement? Talk with a professional, please!
You are a woman, so I know you take charge. You are part of a bigger movement of women taking control over their finances, being an active member in the family’s financial decisions, and now you can be an advocate to speak with a professional.
Let me tell you about a woman, we will call her Anne, who came to us after having quite a mishap with her money. One day she went to the bank and started explaining how unhappy she was with the investment performance of her current advisor (who was not me) for her IRA. The bank teller sent Anne over to one of their advisors, who had her sign paperwork to open a new account and rollover her account so he can manage it. Now her current account was an IRA, but the new advisor set up a non-retirement account and had the money deposited into it. A few years later, she receives a notice from the IRS stating she owes them $50,000. You can imagine the shock on Anne’s face when she sees the number, there must be a mistake right? Because the advisor took all her money out of the IRA and had it deposited into a non-retirement account, she owed taxes on the entire IRA amount. And she had no idea that is what the advisor did.
Now Anne did meet with a professional, but unfortunately, they aren’t all gems. So when you do sit down with a professional, make sure they explain everything to you. And make sure you understand what they are saying before you agree to it. As you can see, mistakes with money can be extremely costly. So please don’t DIY it, google it, or just do what your neighbor is doing. Promise me, you’ll talk with an advisor first, one you are comfortable enough with to ask questions, and one who can explain it to you so you comprehend it.
To help get you to start taking action and getting it done, just click the button for a FREE, no obligation 10 minute call with me.
Jessica Weaver, CFP®, CDFA™, CFS®
Any opinions are those of Jessica Weaver and not necessarily those of Raymond James.
What happens when you wake up one morning and your plan falls apart for some reason or another? Maybe you’ve had a set back with work and aren’t making the amount of money you thought. Or you’ve had one, two, three big and unexpected expenses, so that goal of yours now seems impossible. What are your options now that your perfect plan isn’t so perfect anymore? What do you do?
Well it seems you have two options. 1. You can give up because your plan didn’t go according to plan. OR 2. You can tweak your plan, adjust it, and get back on track. Remember a few weeks ago, we talked about choices, so here are your choices. What will you choose?
In my book, I talk about how much more important our reactions are to set backs and road blocks than our initial actions. Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it. I think this is so important, that I wrote an entire chapter on it! If you haven’t bought Strong Woman Stronger Assets, here is the link to get it:
My husband and I have a bucket list of stuff to do before our baby is due. We’ve been crossing the small stuff off, but some of the big and very daunting items are still on it. We have a four room renovation lingering over our heads, one of the rooms being the nursery. Right before we were going to get started with the renovation, the ceiling light fixture in our foyer started dripping water. Dripping, might not be the best verb, pouring water is more like it. We ran up to the attic and found our AC unit was leaking water everywhere. The first thing that ran through my head was no AC and being pregnant! Next was how are we going to pay for this since it turns out we need a new AC unit. Luckily for us, we had money set aside for our renovation. Unfortunately, that means our renovation is being put on hold for a bit longer until we figure out the costs of everything. So our big renovation plan went out the window. Or did it? I started playing with the numbers, took out parts of the renovation that can wait (not the nursery!), and now we are able to modify our plan and get it done.
I was very close to a few breakdowns, especially being extremely hormonal. Some nights my husband would open the door and throw in a pint of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream before coming in. It was like an ice cream grenade to settle me down first! But remembered, this is why we keep money in our emergency fund. It’s there for unexpected emergencies like this! Crying wasn’t going to fix our problem, though it was tempting. Complaining wasn’t going to get us more money. Side note, I just saw a video about complaining and how it retrains our brains to make us negative. Complaining creates new pathways, and these new pathways are easier to access so we use these negative, complaining routes in our brains more and more with every complaint. Scary!
I always say it is critical to have your financial plan or map with any goal, but what’s equally important or more important is to review your plan along the way. Life comes up, and it does tend to get in the way, so we always need some tweaks and modifications to our plans. Let me give you another example.
We had a woman in our office for a discovery session, and she was out of work for two years. This was not part of her plan, and made her very hesitant and actually completely fearful to make any decisions with her life. She had a plentiful amount of money in the bank as her emergency fund since the two years of unemployment really terrified her of it happening again. She also had some debt, about $10,000, from three unexpected, large expenses with her house. She explained how much the debt was weighing on her and made her feel terrible and so far away from her retirement. It took us some time, but we finally were able to explain this is why she needs a plan. Instead of being paralyzed and stuck in her current situation, a plan can help give her confidence, help get rid of that huge fear, and better understand her options. She had a huge emergency fund, which I explained is there for these large expenses. By having a plan catered to her, she can understand what her best option is to pay off the debt, save for retirement, and actually start doing some of the things she really wants to do. I asked her what she wanted for her retirement. She said to travel, continue to give to some charities she is very passionate about, and to live by the water. But before she could finish any of these wants, she always said her fear will never let her do any of them. Can you imagine wanting all these things, but never actually doing them? She only has one life to live, what would she think if she looked back when she was 90 years old and never had any of these enjoyments during her life?
By the end of the meeting, she started to understand she needs to stop stalling and staying stuck in her fear in order to move forward. She’s been living this way for already too long, and it is time to change. What I haven’t told you yet is she already has an advisor, but this advisor hasn’t asked her what her concerns were with her money. This question alone brought up so many concerns and fears, it took 45 minutes for her to go through them all. And he definitely hasn’t asked her what she really wants for retirement. Least to say, she already felt so much better leaving our office, she said she really needed to open up about her fears because they were paralyzing her. She didn’t realize how much she was sabotaging her own happiness until our meeting was over, and for that she was so grateful.
So don’t live in fear, don’t live in the past, and don’t give up on your dreams. There is a way to get to them, it just takes some creative thinking and adjusting our plans. I’ve done it for myself, I’ve done it for many women, and I can probably do it for you too. Let’s set up a call to see how we can get you on your way. It’s your life that’s speeding past, don’t wait until it’s over and it’s too late. Grab it now!
As always, Happy Planning! AND Adjusting that plan!
Jessica Weaver, CFP®, CDFA™, CFS®
The information has been obtained from sources considered to be reliable, but we do not guarantee that the foregoing material is accurate or complete. Any opinions are those of Jessica Weaver and not necessarily those of Raymond James. There is no guarantee that these statements, opinions or forecast provided herein will prove to be correct. Investing involves risk and you may incur a profit or loss regardless of strategy selected. Every investor’s situation is unique and you should consider your investment goals, risk tolerance and time horizon before making any investment. Prior to making an investment decision, please consult with your financial advisor about your individual situation.
This week is a guest blog by Deborah Gussoff, MBA, CPO® Certified Professional Organizer® and Residential Specialist, who I recently did an event with. Her knowledge on organizing is so tremendous, I wanted to spotlight her on my blog. Hope you enjoy!
How to stay sane when the family moves in
Adult children – either on their own or with a partner or child in tow (or maybe both) – are moving back home. Elderly parents have downsized for health or financial reasons and have moved in with their adult child. And, all of a sudden, your house is not only yours.
How to Stay Organized When Adult Kids Move Back Home
Set Ground Rules. Think about the things that make you crazy (i.e.: discovering an empty container in the refrigerator or pantry) and set rules surrounding those stress points. Perhaps something like “If you use it up, replace it or, at the very least, put it on the grocery shopping list.”
Determine What You’re Willing to Tolerate. Perhaps it’s important to you that your kitchen counters remain clear, but you’re willing to tolerate dirty laundry on the floor in your adult child’s bedroom. Clearly articulate the things you find unacceptable; remember, it is still your
Identify what space is available. Ideally you should do this before your family member moves in. If the only space you have for your adult child and all his stuff is the spare bedroom, make sure he knows that before arriving with a king size bed and two sofas. Encourage him to put excess items in storage or sell/donate them. This includes identifying space available for his car. Do you have room in your garage for an extra car? Do you live in a townhouse community that does not permit on-street parking? The time to figure out logistical constraints is in advance of the move.
Add/create storage. It’s hard to require your family member to organize and store her possessions neatly if there is nowhere to do so. So, add a set of drawers, shelving, or built-in bookcases to provide a place to house her things.
Evaluate your attic, basement or garage for available storage. Take a look in these storage areas and see where you can set up extra shelving for your relative to store her out-of-season clothes and equipment, storage bins, and other items. There likely isn’t enough space in the bedroom you’re offering, but there may be space that can be used in one of these storage areas.
Keep the lines of communication open. Don’t let things fester; if something is annoying you, have a discussion and be open and willing to listen to everyone’s viewpoint.
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Raymond James is not affiliated with and does not endorse the services or opinions of Debra Gussoff.
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