Alright you, I have a question for you? Why do we, as women, always stress ourselves out? I was thinking about this very thing this morning while walking my dog. I was rattling through my to do list for the day, getting all worked up about how on earth I will get it all done. And then it hit me, I’m missing this beautiful morning outside with my little nugget of a dog thinking about things I had no control over at the moment. Stressing about my long list of tasks for the day wasn’t going to complete any of the tasks, it wasn’t going to erase any of them, and it wasn’t going to help my mindset going into the day. So why was I wasting time, energy, and a gorgeous morning overthinking my busy day ahead of me? I could of ruined a walk with my dog if I didn’t get my head on right and start enjoying the moment.
And then, later that day I was talking with my editor, who exclaimed how she is stressing herself out over deadlines. She has the same routine, knows they will all get done, and yet still gets herself into a tizzy. Hilary also made the comment how men don’t do this, if they don’t get to something, then tomorrow will work just fine. This must be why husband always leaves his clothes in the dryer, he’ll get to them tomorrow, whereas, I stress out to no end about getting my clothes washed, dried, and put away ASAP!
I strongly feel as women, we feel we aren’t working hard enough if we aren’t busy and stressed. We have to be busy, oh so busy, and think to ourselves: “you have no idea how busy I am, so much busier than you.” I have been known to get all worked up about my long list of tasks, when in the end, I know I will get it all done. Now I have been working on this, (it might have taken me over a year), but changing my mindset about it has really helped. Before I’d keep saying to myself, “this will never, ever end!” Whereas now, I tell myself to breath and be happy you have a nice house to keep clean and organize, that you have wonderful people who need my help, and it goes from being a stressful, never ending task, to a pleasant experience.
And I also don’t think we need to be busy to be successful, and we don’t need to be stressed to feel like we’ve worked hard. I know a lot of women who lay awake at night going through to do list among to do list. So now they are adding no sleep to the stress of their list, not a good combination for your health. Think about it, your body can only handle so much stress before it starts to take its toll on your health. If men can master never being stressed about getting it done, why can’t we? Not to get you stressed about stress, but here is a list of the side effects from stress:
A quick google search will tell you stress can cause headaches, muscle tension or pain, chest pain, fatigue, change in sex drive, stomach issues, and sleep problems. I’ve heard people complain about every one of those when dealing with their money stress. Well maybe not the sex drive, but I’m sure it’s there. As I say in my book, money fights don’t usually end with great make up sex! There will be times in life where you will be stressed out and should be stressed out such as the loss of a loved one, divorce, and health, so don’t let the little things like to do lists stress you out.
Please stop being so hard on yourself and always feeling the need to be busy. You do NOT have to be busy to be productive, and you don’t have to overload your day in order to feel like you’ve contributed. It’s an impossible task you put yourself in and end up on autopilot the entire day. Have you ever noticed some people will ask you a question and immediately check out? They are on autopilot and are just cruising through their day without taking time to enjoy it or enjoy life. I recently read this amazing quote that I will end with. It went something along the lines of:
If you are told you have 6 months to live and fully live in those moments, then you will have lived a more fulfilling 6 months than someone who is just cruising through life on autopilot and lives another 30 years.
Opinions expressed are those of Jessica Weaver and not necessarily those of Raymond James.
And now we will go through the last two steps to taking control over your money and telling it whose boss. These two steps are last, but they are probably the most important ones so listen up! These steps are important to do by yourself, with your partner, and with your advisor because you want to make sure everyone knows everything and is on the same page.
Month 3: Your Financial Plan
Jessica Weaver, CFP®, CDFA™, CFS®
Congratulations, you are on the money detox train going full speed ahead! You now know more about your cash flow, and have hopefully taken steps toward saving more money and spending less on “stupid stuff” as my husband loves to call it. It’s so important to know where your money is going to you can get back in control of it.
One family was spending over $3,000 a month on food. They were spending a mortgage on food, and it was no wonder they had to declare bankruptcy a few years ago and are back in debt. Another couple was spending $1,000 on wine each month. Now I love my wine, and cannot wait until I can drink some good vino after having my baby, but if your wine budget is 10% of your income, something is wrong. But neither families would even know they were overspending so much if I didn’t have them go through their expenses.
So Month 1 is taking care of your cash flow, and now you will go through it every month when you sit down to review your money. This week we will go through your 4 steps in Month 2 that focuses on your finances and investments. And without further ado:
Month 2: Finances and Investments
And next week we will finish the last 2 steps to tackling your money and telling it whose boss!
Jessica Weaver, CFP®, CDFA™, CFS®
I get asked most of the time how can I start to be more active with my money. Sometimes it is a wife asking how she can get more involved since her husband takes care of everything, and she has no idea where all their money is. This can be very scary, what if something happens to your husband? OR What happens if he isn’t managing the money right? You don’t want to be scratching your head trying to figure out why you thought you’d be retiring, but you just had to borrow money from your parents or declaring bankruptcy. You might think I’m exaggerating, but I’m not. I’ve seen it happen and if you don’t believe me, just do a little search.
Now the other times, the women who ask me, are on cruise control. They get paid, pay their bills, and whatever money is left, they shop with, spend on themselves, or maybe save a little. Think of it like you wake up, go to work, come home, and go to sleep. And repeat for 30 years until you can hopefully retire. You are on cruise control with your money and with your life. It’s time to get off this hamster wheel and live your life, not just go through the motions. And what will help, is taking charge of your money so you can use it to help live the life you want and deserve. Remember it’s not about making more money or saving more money, it’s about the lives you can change with that money. So I’ve come up with a money detox to get you started.
You’ve heard of a health/juice/diet detox, so why not a Money Detox? Let’s apply the same concept to make small changes with your money, which can lead to drastic changes with your life goals. Instead of removing one thing from your diet, we will add one thing a week that deals with your money.
Here are my Top 12 Money Detox steps to telling your money whose boss:
Month 1 focuses on your cash flow.
Next week, we will go through Month 2, which deals with your finances and investments.
Jessica Weaver, CFP®, CDFA™, CFS®