Are you recently divorced or separated and feel completely alone? You sense the death of a friendship, a partnership, and the failure of a marriage. You are not alone, and I want you to know this. The other day I was speaking with a client who runs a divorce support group, and we started talking about the many emotions and traumatic moments you encounter before, during, and after your divorce. During her own experience, she felt lost, overwhelmed, alone, and like a failure. She was lost as to how she got to this point in her marriage, overwhelmed by the entire divorce process, and alone from losing her partner in life. The person she used to ask questions to or go to for advice has become a different person, who is no longer her leg of support. Some weeks she couldn’t even get through the day to day tasks of getting out of bed or taking care of her children. Unfortunately, none of those duties take a backseat when you’re in the midst of a divorce. When her lawyer asked her for something, she had to try and focus everything she had to get it done and on time, so she wouldn’t raise her attorney’s bill. If her family’s daily routine was too much at times, the divorce stuff was downright unbearable.
And she wasn’t the only one affected by the separation and pending marital division. Her children had to get used to a whole new schedule, time with dad and time with mom at two different places. One would forget a report for school at the one house, and she would have to figure out how to get it and get it on time. She was a stay at home mom, so all day she would dwell on what went wrong, how did they get to this place, and how is she ever going to get through this and in one piece. Your extended family will probably take sides and tell you things you never wanted to hear. As I’ve heard from other divorced women, your family, both children and extended, are thrown off a cliff.
After speaking with her, I started calling other women who have been through a divorce to find out their experiences. It is so important to share your lows and highs with other women so they can see the light at the end of the tunnel. You may feel like you have no one to bounce ideas off of or to go to for advice. The person you used to lean on is now somehow a different person. And at times it gets so ugly, you can’t believe this is a person you spent so many years with and created a family with. It all comes down to a business deal in the end, all the memories built, all the good times shared, and the goals accomplished or yet to be accomplished. It feels like a death, a loss, a failure. I know, my grandmother went through it, along with my two aunts, my two uncles, and my best friend. No matter how prepared you are for it, even if it is your decision, it still feels traumatic and ominous.
The most common response I heard was how overwhelmed they were with the divorce process and also just with their day to day lives. Some found creating small goals that are obtainable and with a time frame help to break down the entire picture to something more manageable. A checklist of sorts can help start this process, and to make sure nothing gets overlooked. As I say, even a small mistake (or overlooked task) with money, can be a costly mistake. Now there are checklists all over the website you can use, I even have some that can be personalized to your situation, but what I really wanted to create is a breakthrough program called Weaving Wise Wealthy Women. You are now Suddenly Single. When was the last time you had to make a major decision on your own or plan for a major life event by yourself? I don’t want you to feel you are on your own, treading water and trying to stay afloat. Weaving Wise Wealthy Women is something to help break you from the downward spiral of the daunting and drama filled divorce process. I want to help bring the focus back to yourself to rebuild your life.
Do you feel yourself going into a deeper financial hole? Or you aren’t being the best influence for your children? Maybe you aren’t certain if you are making the right decision financially for you and your children. Too many women said they felt trapped emotionally and financially by their divorce. You shouldn’t feel trapped by your emotions or finances. I don’t want your future to “happen” because you thought you had no other options available. So start the process now and click below to get the 10 Ways to Regain Control of Your Life to Provide a Better One for Your Children.
Jessica Weaver, CFP®, CDFA™, CFS®
Securities offered through Raymond James Financial Services Inc., member FINRA/SIPC.
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